Middle-Aged at Fifteen

So, I'm not going to pretend that my secret sources gave me this photo. I saw it on dlisted, and found it so eerie that I have decided to post it here for all to see. 

This is Ali Lohan, the middle-aged younger sister of Lindsay Lohan. And when I say younger, I mean 15. How is she 15? I realize that when I was 15 I looked like a 9 year old, but I have seen other 15 year olds and know what one should look like. And this is not it. 

That is all I have to say about that. Click on the photo to see it bigger.

Peace, Gab

PS: What is up with the see-throughness of her dress?!

A One-Uping Post About Anagrams

So I read all of Renee's anagrams, which were quite entertaining, and it reminded me of a documentary I had seen a while ago. I managed to track it down and even figured out how to read some of the HTML on the page in order to embed it here for our zero many readers. It's about this guy, Cory Calhoun, that came up with the arguably best anagrams of all times. He even won awards for his anagram. (Yes, I am thinking exactly the same thing: there are anagram awards? I swear to God, someone, somewhere, will give an award for anything. This blog could probably win an award. I'm thinking the "Legendary Award.") 

The anagram of all anagrams is:

To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. (From Shakespeare's Hamlet)

becomes...

In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

I do actually think that that is incredibly impressive. And I know how difficult anagrams are to solve. I have a hard enough time playing Word Challenge on Facebook, and I'm just trying to come up with four letter words from a few random letters. I'm not actually trying to write a sentence that effectively sums up an ENTIRE play!

Anyways, here is the promised documentary about the man behind the anagram. It was made for an online short film festival hosted by PBS. This film was the winner, I believe. It's 7 minutes long, but well worth it.

That's all for now.

Peace, Gab

PS: Renee, chocolate and vanilla frozen yogurt is not truly frozen yogurt. It's pretend ice cream. When I talk about frozen yogurt, I mean the good stuff that you get at Yogen Fruz where they use the special machine to squish the bar and fruits together.

Cheat Post: Two in a row

Are we allowed to do that? Well, whatever, I'm bored. I found this online anagrammer thing and it's AWESOME man like so awesome. I won't put our names up in case some creeper sketchy stalker man (or woman, I guess) that's pro at anagramming solves our names and comes to our respective houses and kills us, respectively. But there are some other good ones, such as:

Barney Stinson - Tyrannise snob
Robin Scherbatsky - Oh shabby trickers
Neil Patrick Harris - This crankier April
Harry James Potter - Joy! Trash tramperer
William Shakespeare - He's like a lamp, I swear

And my personal favourites:

How I Met Your Mother - Yummier whore to hot
George Bush - He bugs Gore

Renee Out.

Boom goes the dynamite!

Funniest thing I've ever seen. Apparently the teleprompter was broken that day and this guy wasn't the usual guy; whatever the case may be, the world changed for the better the day this happened.



P.S. You can get froyo on the ferries I'm pretty sure. It might just be chocolate and vanilla though, I'm not sure.

Renee Out.

The Elusive Frozen Yogurt

So, last weekend, in an effort to put off studying for my imminent doom, I decided to rewatch (for like the 24th time) Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog. And then watch it again. And again. In total, I watched it three times in one weekend. Now, for those of you lame uncultured people who have not witnessed the legendariness that is Dr. Horrible, there are many, many scenes in which the characters are eating frozen yogurt. 

Now, I have had a soft spot for frozen yogurt since I was kid and my favorite cousin would get me some every time we went to the mall. Anyways, after seeing some of my favorite fictitious characters enjoying something I love, I started craving some raspberry frozen yogurt. So much, in fact that I drove to the mall to buy some. Now, can someone please explain to me what kind of mall does not sell frozen yogurt? It is one of the biggest malls in the city, and yet, nothing. I hadn't given up hope, though. I headed off to another mall. Yes, this craving was intense. And again, I failed. I had begun to loose hope, but did not give up. After posting to my facebook status that I couldn't find any, in the hopes that someone would lead me to God's frozen snack, it became clear that the sad, sad city that I live in does not sell frozen yogurt. I decided to hit the grocery store and buy one of the "not-very-good-but-good-enough-to-satisfy-my-craving" tubs of frozen yogurt. And what did I find? Chocolate and Vanilla frozen yogurt. EW. That was it. Nothing more. 

And so, I ask you this, how, in God's name, can an entire city not sell something as awesome as frozen yogurt?!

Peace, Gab

Awkward chitchat: Boom go Renee's brains

Response: Haha, that ad was weird, man. I had a sea kitten for dinner last night in Thai sauce and lemme tell you, it was gooood.

Smalltalk 101

One of the things I despise more than life itself is an awkward conversation. I'm not generally a shy person; I'll put myself out there pretty readily and let the conversation get awesome, but when you're with someone boring or prudish or boring it just gets so challenging to be normal and not bust out the awkward laughter.

Awkward smalltalk is my first pet peeve; Gab's was the PETA. We should log these somewhere so we don't forget, or maybe just dedicate the whole blog to what we hate. Next post: turtlenecks.

I looked up how to make comfortable smalltalk with someone you don't know. Here is my favourite step.

STEP 3: Play detective.Let's say you opened with "How are you doing with all this rain?" To move from this surface chitchat to a deeper dialogue, listen for any word in the other person's reply that might suggest a conversational direction, advises Leil Lowndes, author of Goodbye to Shy. A few examples:
HER: "Oh, I don't mind the rain. It's good for the plants."
YOU: "Are you a gardener?"

HER: "If I wanted this much rain, I'd live in Seattle!"
YOU: "Have you been to Seattle?"

HER: "I haven't been able to take the dog on a decent walk in a week."
YOU: "I have a miniature dachshund named Beau. Tell me about your dog."

These sound like very normal, interactive conversations. I will take all the advice into consideration, and combined with the kickass tips I learned from "How to make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" I will be the hit of all parties from now to eternity.

But what if they don't give you way too much information in their response like these charming people do? What if they just say, "Oh yes, the rain's all I've been thinking of." Am I supposed to say "Oh gee, I noticed you ended your sentence with a preposition. You aren't very good at English; did you complete high school?" I think that that would go over really well.

I'm planning to try out some of my tips on that upcoming event I have that Gab knows I don't want to go to because of the awkwardness and the smalltalkiness. Well now my world has been revolutionized! In I will go, commenting loudly on how I'm craving potatoes, and aren't the potatoes lovely in Iowa, have you been to Iowa?

It won't be awkward at all.

Renee Out.

My Most Favoritest Animal EVER: Sea Kittens

I have never, never liked PETA (pet-ah pita). Yes, I do agree with what they stand for some of the time, but not how they go about doing it. My personal favorite of all their campaigns is "Save the Sea Kittens!" You may be asking yourself, "But what is a sea kitten?" The answer is, yes, fish. Fish = Sea Kittens. The reasoning? Most people think of fish as gross and slimy and therefore do not feel bad when they kill them to eat. You know, to get protein? Yes, I do agree with this. And yes, there is a huge over fishing problem, but really, sea kittens? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure that by calling it a sea kitten, I don't find it any cuter? It's still a gross, smelly fish. If you really want to have a laugh, check out their campaign website:

I can't figure out if the campaign is directed at kids, or they just think that by making frightening fish and cat love-child cartoons, people will magically be like, "Oh wait, so eating a fish is equivalent to eating a cat?! I will never eat fish again." 

On another PETA note, this newest campaign video (banned from being a Super Bowl commercial, bee tee dubs) adds to the ridiculousness that is the Sea Kittens. I find this very sickening. So now, instead of campaigns seemingly directed at kids, we've got made up sex statistics (could it be specifically 83% of vegetarians that have better sex?). Talk about selling your soul to the devil. And, of course, they're mad that they got censored by NBC. Really now? What were they expecting? For NBC to be really excited to put that on during one of the most watched however many hours the Super Bowl is of television? To be honest, I'm surprised they haven't already started a petition. You can check out the list of reasons why NBC banned the ad (if you can't immediately figure it out) here.

Anyways, that is all for my PETA rant. It also wasn't very funny. But the Sea Kittens are.

Peace, Gab

First theme post: New York, New York

"Start spreading the news, I' m leaving today, I want to be a part of it - New York, New York. These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray, right through the very heart of it - New York, New York" - Frank Sinatra

Hmm, maybe I should start all of my posts with a song lyric. Reminder: Next post = Candy man by Sammy Davis Junior. Oh yes.

I want to go to NYC. I want to go there so much that my desire to go there overpowers my fear of being mugged!

3 Fun Facts about my favourite city!

1) Back when the Dutch controlled the region, Wall Street was an actual wall that marked the city limits

2) Until 1970, the Empire State Building was the tallest building in the world

3) In the 1600's, the NYC "skyline" was a windmill

Don't you feel more enlightened? I sure do. Anything to prepare myself for my whirlwind trip to the Big Apple, whenever that may be. It will be a trip of legendary proportions. I WILL meet Tina Fey and it WILL be awesome.

If anyone wants to associate themselves with something New York related that is awesome do one or more of the following:

1) Download an episode of the Metrobuzz podcast on itunes

2)Go to the website http://www.overheardinny.com/

3) Watch 30 Rock (well, you should do that anyways)

Gab, what say we go to New York one day and find the bar that MacLaren's in How I Met Your Mother is based on? Apparently it's a real place.

P.S. I have big city connections because my dad was born in New York and lived there until he was eight months old. So. Suck on that...people whose fathers were born other places

Renee Out

First Good Post: An Introduction and a Video

Hey, whatup?

So, Renee may have beat me to the taking of the blog virginity, but I will be the first to actually post something good. 

We are currently working out some great themed day posts, but one that I will be taking on is "Tube Tuesdays." Here is a taste of what is to come.

Anyways, all of my funniness is non-existent after a week of torture, so stay tuned for some of my infamous hilariousness. 

Peace, Gab

First Ever Post: I Beat You Gab!

And do you know why I beat you, Gab? Because I'm all AWESOME at blogspot and you're all "Aaah, I don't know what I'm doing, how do I sign in?"

So yeah. That's how it goes, in case you were wondering.

I don't have much to say yet because we haven't worked out any of our theme days or shticks yet (because all blogs need theme days and shticks) and I haven't been sharpening my wit long enough to say something truly memorable and hilarious yet. Maybe in the second post.

Renee Out.