Steel yourself Gabby. This is going to be the longest blog entry in the history of WViE. I suggest you at least skim it, however, because Neil Patrick Harris will be mentioned more than once. You'll see why.
So tonight the first twelve of the top thirty-six performed. I'm going to review them individually, but first let me say that the quality of the show tonight SUCKED. The camera kept pointing at the wrong place, especially during the super awkward interviews with family members (when did they start that? It needs to go) Also, instead of playing Brent keith's video they just showed a frozen picture of Stevie. This sitation proved to us that Ryan Seacrest is crap at vamping.
Also. Randy seems to be trying to mix it up this year. Lots of new, strange catchphrases. There was also a lot of Simon metaphoriacally bitchslapping Paula, which is always appreciated.
So up first was Jackie Tohn (I actually made notes Gab, aren't I a nerd?) She sang "A Little Less Conversation." What was interesting her performance was that she'd somehow gotten ahold of the EXACT pants that Oliva Newton-John wore at the end of Grease. I love Jackie. She's in my top three to move forward next week, and her stage present is killer.
Next was Ricky Braddy (aka Ricky Bobby because, well, I'm hilarious) I'd never heard of this guy but I was mighty impressed. He's got a good voice, though he's a little on the boring side. And his velvet suit was just...bad.
Then we had Alexis. She was really good too, I want either her or Ricky Bobby to get the third spot next week.
I guess at this point the producers realized that too many people were doing well so they had to sabotage the next few contestants. Following Alexis was Brent, who sang a really dull, strange country song called "Hick Town." Doesn't he know that no one likes country? He was all like "Country fans will appreciate that song." Yeah, all three of them, two being his parents.
After Brent came the atrocity we call Stevie and OH MY GOD was she terrible. I guess that's what you get for saying on camera that your favourite band is the Jonas Brothers. her performance was seriously the worst ever AI performance, with the exception of perhaps Casey Carlson - but more on that later.
And it was here, Gab, at the end of Stevie's performance that I saw, while clutching my bleeding ears, none other than Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka in the audience (sitting next to Ted Danson of all people.) Neil was nodding all diplomatically but David was grimacing at how horrible her performance was and it was HILARIOUS. His hair and cardigan were looking pretty fine. He was actually the hotter of the two tonight.
Next up was Anoop (what's that Randy, you call him Anoop Dogg? You DEFINITELY haven't overused that one.) He's good but his performance was boring. Whatever, by this point I was pretty distracted by NPH.
By the way, it's getting pretty annoying how EVERY season they say how it's "the most talent yet." It's so untrue, and if it hadn't been proven to you already, it definitely was after Casey Carlson's performance. She sang "Every little thing HE does is magic" and it was VERY VERY bad. If she gets through simply because she's good looking (and she's not even THAT good-looking) I will shoot somebody's face. Hers, preferably, or every male American (except Neil!) She was really playing up the sexy, but everyone knows that never works, as it's almost all women voting. She's gone, I think.
Then there was Michael, the oil guy. He's a good singer but his song was boring and he has no stage present and I'm pretty sure that he too is out.
Ann Marie was next, and I thought she did a lot better than they gave her credit for. When you hold her up to the last two girls, anyways. She's got a good voice. I'm sick of the judges always comparing the female contestants to the people whose songs they sing. OBVIOUSLY she's not going to sound like Aretha Franklin, but she still did a good job. You basically just can't sing any Whitney, Aretha or Celine (yech) songs on that show or they'll compare you and then you'll lose. I guess I'm talking in second person now, hmmm.
So then there was Stephen, the most boring human being ever. I didn't think anyone could make MJ boring but ho, he succeeded! I guess I'm still mad at him for forgetting my David's lyrics.
Second to last was Tatiana. This was the one that everybody wanted to see, which I'm sure she knew. Everyone seemed a little weirded out by her surprising normalcy. She still bugs the hell out of me. I don't know, she's undeniably a good singer, but I hope she doesn't go on further. I doubt she will, now that she's not being entertaining. She should've stuck with the crazy.
Side note: I did LOVE it when she was talking about how she wanted to "market" herself. Cough *prostitute* cough.
Finally it was Danny Gokey, by the far the favourite going into the night. He did a very good, yet slightly cheesy, rendition of "Hero" by Mariah Carey. I sort of agree with Simon about him; he's really good, but not as orgasm inducing as the other judges describe him as. I've gotten to the point where I usually just fastforward the first three judge's comments.
ALSO, how inappropriate was it when Ryan kept asking Simon if he had this organ called a heart when he had his arm around Danny? Dude, his wife died of heart failure! How untactful can you be? First he tries to high five blind guys, and now this? He needs to be replaced.
So my pics for moving through are Danny, Jackie and Alexis or Ricky. It was pretty entertaining, at least. "Most talent yet", lie.
BTW I wish I could discourse this episode with someone amazing like, oh I don't know, Neil Patrick Harris because my blogging partner doesn't even WATCH the show (shame on you, Gabriela)
I am stoked for Adam! Hopefully he's next week.
Renee Out.
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