Legitimate Post from Hot Hawaii

Here is my favourite advertisement in all of the many, many coupon books here. All Snorkel Bob ads are like this. I love him.

Snorkeling Safety and Health Tips: Reprinted by permission of Snorkel Bob's Reality Guide to Hawaii

1) Snorkeling is a buddy sport. You help you buddy. She helps you.

2) Never turn your back on the ocean. It'll whomp you when you least expect it.

3) Assess surf, current, wave sets, surge, reef and rocks before entering. Advanced snorkelers call this "Snorkel Meditation" and use the exercise to enter environmental data to their snorkel programs.

4) Avoid wana (pronounced "vonna"), black sea urchins who's spines break off in your skin. Use aspirin for sunburn; peroxide and antiseptic ointment for reef rash; and cigarette tobacco, meat tenderizer (except for MSG allergenics) and Benadryl (capsule or ointment) for man-of-war, which is like a bee sting. Making shishi on stings also kills pain and other trauma, but I, Snorkel Bob, know that this can sorely test a friendship.

5) Enter and exit from sandy beach areas.

6) Never swim against a current. Cross diagonally. Extreme currents off windward Maui. If you get caught in a current, wave for help. DON'T PANIC, unless of course rubbernecks on the beach wave back.

7) Avoid snorkeling at dusk.

8) Friends don't let friends snorkel drunk.

9) Don't snorkel in strong offshore wind.

10) Duck or dive under breaking waves before they reach you to avoid their force. Don't jump over or turn your back to them.

11) I, Snorkel Bob, wear a t-shirt, rash guard and swim cap while snorkeling in the intense Hawaiian sun (no sunscreen, damages coral).

12) If big fish swim up fast and hide behind you, you probably got bigger fish heading in, right up on the food chain to you-know-who. Arruuggahh! Only kidding. Ha-ha. HA!

13) Don't forget your underwater camera, 35mm, 27 shots, cheap! Right now, with me, Snorkel Bob.

14) Fish food in plastic wrappers is hereby denounced by me, Snorkel Bob, in particular, LeSuer Peas and stale bread. The plastic wrappers tend to clog my, Snorkel Bob's, ocean, and all that crap constipates my, Snorkel Bob's, little-bitty fish buddies. I, Snorkel Bob, further deplore so-called organic fish foods with biodegradable wrappers. This stuff fouls the eco-system, deranges mild-mannered fish and is baaad.  BAD. THE ONLY fish food allowed by my, Snorkel Bob's, Guidelines to a Better World is you, my friends, in final mode, aloha and adieu, down to nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium. This form can also free up some parking spaces.

I, Gab, am having a very nice time down here in hawaii and am missing you, Renee. I, Gab, have completed 6 of your, Renee's, 10 challenging tasks. 

Love you!

Peace, Gab